Farewells

Tonight I render

in my defeat

with sudden thoughts

and gritted teeth

I'll do my best

to ease the pain

May I request

you do the same

I'll miss your smile,

And those beaming eyes

My love, my dearest love,

This is good bye

So I wonder, 

before time's due

When will I ever see 

the unmasked you

18° F

Forever stuck in this freezing fahrenheit, 

his iced vodka as cold as her heart. 

No words could ever say, 

and no colors could ever match her hue. 

That's when I've learned 

why she always had a thing for blue. 

Breathe

But baby it's okay to breathe, 

calm your mind and learn to be free. 

The sun will rise at 6am, 

so watch the world light up with me. 

As the earth awakens like the child you are, 

the heavens will burn with the brightest star. 

For the darkness never lasts, 

and so will your sorrows. 

Here is where the sun meets the sky, 

a day they called tomorrow. 

But baby, it's okay to breathe. 

I'm here, always here 

- and never gonna flee.

             written and illustrated by Yancs (2014)

3:02 am

I let myself drift away in all the sentences I've ever written and in all the thoughts I have left unspoken. To all the words I've ever known and to the greater vast of vocabulary I have yet to learn. 

I succumb in to the darkness, and at the same time in to the light, where I gave in to all the things I am aware and unaware of. To all the things I've learned to love and grew to hate, to all the things I've ever acquired and yet to loose. To all the things I have touched, and to all the things I was never meant to have. To those all I finally gave myself in. Without misgiving, without resisting. 

I let the seas wash away what's left of me, just as how I let the wind take control of where it shall  take me. I allowed the stars to determine my path, hoping it would lead me to somewhere less messed up as to where I am now. 

I removed my guards and my defenses, which made me not just vulnerable - but weak and exposed to whatever lies unknown. 

I've finally learned to let go, to set free and to just be still. I stopped holding on to whatever I think I was grasping, and as my fingertips untouched all my desires and wonders - it all made sense now. 

But please, know this very well; That I did not stop trying because I gave up, instead, I gave in. I stopped trying not because I grew tired or weary.

I stopped trying, because I've finally learned to trust the world, to trust the universe, and perhaps  all the gods before me. 

I stopped trying, because for once, I wanted to know how it is to be alive. I wanted to trust in life, just as how I wanted to escape a world of worries and doubts. 

For once, just this once, I wanted to forget it all. I wanted to stop resisting, for it will only wound me. I wanted to stop pretending, for it will only rot me. I wanted to stop being control of everything - for eventually, it will drain my soul.

And then finally, when I'm all set for free falling; I drowned  myself in thoughts of you, and as I sank deep in this madness that they called love, I've learned to live without having to breathe. 

Marian Jane Nicolas

“I have this passion of putting words in to pictures. Naniniwala kasi ako na pareho silang makapangyarihang instrumento. At marapat lang na pagsamahin sila. When a wonderful painting and a beautiful constellation of words come together – wala na’ng mas lalakas pa sa dalawang pinag-isa.”   

~ Marian to Venice 

(Athena's School of the Cultured)