To heaven's mailbox

11/22/14


Dear J, 



How are you? I wanted to ask you that badly for so long. Lately I've been counting days, and to be honest, I lost track of time. I lost track not because I didn't care or that I forgot, but because I couldn't stop the sting in my chest whenever I count the days that passed since the last time I saw you.

I miss you. We all do. So much that none of these feels even real. When you left, you left everything behind. Right now I hope you're in a much better place. Right now I hope that you're in peace, and that the chaos of this world no longer affects you.

We're fine, really. In my off chance that somehow this message could reach you, I want to tell you that we're fine. We're fine, not in the sense that nothing's wrong, but thankfully, everything's still doable. Although our past month can be compared to that of a hell, right now I'm happy to tell you that we're currently in progress. I wanted to tell you not to worry because we're doing what we can to cope with the changes, with the loss, with everything you left behind.

We have our hard times, of course. Some days we didn't feel anything, or say anything about it, but the silence screamed your name so loud it didn't make a sound. I miss you. We all do.

Some nights I wished you should have held on a little longer.
But that would be selfish of me, wouldn't that be?

I remember you telling me before - in a letter you once wrote me - that I should not fear nor doubt for the Lord has His ways that we would never comprehend. You told me to believe because someday all these will make sense.

And to be honest, that's what keeps me going.

You're the sole reason why I'm still fighting the battle I didn't know I was ever supposed to take.

Because of you I held on to this tiny spark of hope that all these will connect, in the right time and in the best possible way.

You told me that I was given a gift that would serve a purpose to the ones we love, and that you told me to use it.

I promised you I would be strong. For myself, for you, for our family, for all that's left and for all its worth.

I wanted to tell you many things.

I wanted to fill this letter with every thing I wanted you to know but my words are lacking and I didn't think it will ever be possible to sum up all my aching thoughts of you. Not tonight, and definitely not this way.

Again, in my off chance that somehow this letter may possibly reach you;
I wanted to tell you that this is me, fulfilling my promises. 






Yours always,

B