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3/17/15

Art is...

I swam in the depths of your soul, the mystery in your eyes, the beat of your heart and loved everything your sweetness has to offer. Every inch of your being, every speck of your imperfections I've grown to love. 

Then suddenly, art is no more a canvas. Art is not ink on paper, art is no more the colors of the sky and earth, it is no more photographs and paintings. Art is not defined by paintbrush or crayons, art is not brush strokes and drawings. 

Art becomes you; your soul and what you are. The only magic left on earth, the only bitterness with the hint of good. You've become the abstracts in my life, never perfectly beautiful - but filled with meaning in all aspects.

Lethal dosage

How do you
expect me to breathe
when your touch
feels like acid
on my paper-like skin

Your lips 
they're divine
your eyes, your soul,
your being
they creep into mine

You love me 
like the sun
who shines ever so bright
only to leave
when comes the night

To feel your warmth
is to risk it all
and to be kept at bay
So I guess it's true
- when people say;

You die a little bit
each day
for the one 
you love,

Until dying
becomes - 
your little pleasure 
d r u g

Debris

She was a real charmer, they'd say. People would stumble at her feet, they'd gossip. You'll see her walking on the streets with her head up high, and her heels even higher. Her lips as red as blood, and those eyes - proud and full of wonder, - they tell me to be brave. 

It's every girls' highlight, they said. A time in her life where she glimmers. It's when she had every spotlight on her, never having room for anybody else. It's when she had everything a girl could ever wish for. And it's her, living it up to her dreams. 

Until one day all that fades like evening during sunrise. She saw it coming, really she did. Because she was smart, and she knew nothing was meant to stay forever. Maybe she was prepared for the idea of it, but not for the weight of its consequences. The more she has, the more she has to loose. And so she did. Not all at the same time, but slowly - she lost everything. Until all she became are debris of what used to be the perfect girl.

No words could ever describe how much it crippled down her sanity. It's all she ever thought about at night, depriving herself from the hours of sleep she very much needed. 

And now here she is, sitting in a corner of a dimmed room, her bloodstream flooded by alcohol, with a cigar slowly dying in her left hands. Wondering where it went wrong, forever asking how she got there. 

"What happened to you", he asked.
"You used to shine like gold."

3/2/15

Empty sheets

What if one day I wake up at 2am, and all I could feel are the cold sheets pressed on my bare skin, and nothing more but the deafening sound of your absence. 

The room feels a lot colder, my bed a little more wider, and my heart - less alive, less beating.

I'll wonder how many hours had passed while I was sleeping, only to realize later that it doesn't really mater. Because at that point I'll be awake, and somehow I'll regret waking up in such a depressing hour. 

It's cruel, you know. How you kept breaking me every night, without knowing how much destroyed I already am. 

That's when I realized, that's the thing about you; You've always been sadistic.

Dead butterflies

you were the life
that shined in my perilous nights
bound by tears of love, false hope
and mostly - desire

you feed me with euphoria
deep down into my lungs
until it denies air
and air denies my breathing

no love, just lust
no mercy, just passion
and I was no more
than your helpless being

it was both terrifying
and undeniably sweet
to feel something so vivid
but depressingly quick 

you were the crooked hero
in this little kind of story
but I've never been the princess
and you never meant
to save me 

~~
to the boy I once knew,
and wished I never did.